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Welcome to fabulous Sol, capital of the United Federation of Planets and home of the Humpback Whale (they're not dead we promise!)

[sirens in the distance]
toddler: firetruck?
me: yes
toddler: [excitedly] crash??
me: …no
toddler: [disappointed] okay

The urinal mats at LAX smell like Lucky Charms! I’m suddenly very hungry

a nonbinary person named Mx. Cherry Keyboard

'the weekend' is a scam. the week just begins all over again afterwards. it doesn't end for real

I quoted Mitch Hedberg and my partner said "that was a very Dad thing to say", and now I will die on this hill:

If Mitch Hedberg is dad jokes, I don't wanna be right

Maybe the best celebrity endorsement ever was Macho Man Randy Savage for Slim Jims. He looked like he was a character invented specifically to sell people seasoned meat sticks. A hundred ad people could work on it for a hundred years and not come up with a better mascot

the trams at the Denver Airport: [play a little Seinfeldian bass riff when approaching the station]

me, every time: Ah yes, the Phish train

youtu.be/1k1w9DEqgGY

me: "she pressed on, pushing and kicking..."

Microsoft Word 365 For Enterprise™️: "Surely you mean 'she pressed on, pushing, and kicking...', right?"

me: "do you fucking hear yourself"

just my POV, but mayhaps if a business can only afford to hire people when they're desperate and have no other options, they should go the fuck out of business

me: haha hey we should totally hang out some time. here, write down your number real quick

amadeo avogadro: sucks teeth

@dankwraith personally I think they should pay MORE than just your 2 cents

i think if businesses and government agencies are having a hard time hiring people they should pay more. just my 2 cents

My mom was a photographer, and I've been going through her old photos now that I own the rights to them to release them into the public domain.

So, enjoy this photo she took of LeVar Burton.

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dads.cool

dads.cool is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.

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