Billion fucking dollar fucking business idea: fucking normalize the fucking positioning of fucking cooking instructions on fucking frozen fucking food boxes

how to be sure like really sure your cat has covid

The urinal mats at LAX smell like Lucky Charms! I’m suddenly very hungry

I only listen to bands whose names are grammatically complete sentences

Got flights for my wife and I to take our daughter to college. Indicative of the adjustment period I’m about to enter: mindlessly booked three round trips.

I have a theory: the only way a person can believe in wide-ranging, far-reaching conspiracies that require deep, methodical coordination, kept in absolute secret by thousands of people touched by it, is if they've never even once tried to lead a meeting where any more than five grown-ass adults, professionals with narrow job scope, are tasked with making one solitary important decision, or even tried to quietly collect cash for a retirement gift for Eloise. A fake moon landing?!? FUCK YOU!

Sand In The Vaseline is finally on streaming services and we need not want for anything forever

The final season of Brooklyn 99 has been really impressive in terms of taking advantage of its voice in the police accountability dialogue. Especially this latest episode, a compelling argument AGAINST accountability was made, and the show stood firm. Cool as hell.

I am tasked with relaxing my cat’s urethral sphincter

My advice: just don’t let ‘em get old, folks

Now he’s at the closet

Now he’s openin the closet

they should've sent a claims adjuster

By the way, you really need to heat the awful voice the narrator does for Sadie in the audiobook for 11.22.63.

Ooohhhhhhh Geeoooooooorrrrrgggge

The Stephen King movies and TV that get praise for their faithfulness to the source are all the evidence one needs that faithfulness is not a synonym for quality in adaptations. Sweet sassy molassy.

“THAT’S who she reminds me of — David Lee Roth!!!”

Pretty sure the soundtrack to The Suicide Squad is intended as a sort of Cliff’s Notes.

It’s interesting how having a car long enough to replace the driver side sun visor six times makes me feel like it was well built

“I just died in your yard tonight” sounds like a more compelling song

I have not seen space jam 2, but I do think it’s very weird that people find it to be an upsetting legacy breaker for what was at best a wad of gooey neon kitsch

Watched a movie called Cake. Decided I would really like to know Jennifer Aniston. Not certain we’d get along, but she fascinates me. Added to my lunch list.

Productive Friday evening.

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dads.cool

dads.cool is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.

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