which one of you keeps leaving fruit label stickers on the damn sink

I just re-read Forever Yours, Anna, by Kate Wilhelm. It's a captivating short, gorgeous. Nebula Award winner, 1987. Cost you 20 minutes.

I think my identity is being monitored for theft for free by like fifteen different organizations, so, like, don't get any ideas you guys

Dads, what the hell happened to pilsners? I love to pretend to love bitterness just as much as the next dad, but this country has lost its love for a clean crisp pint and I call for an end to this race to the bottom. I will get my calories from food, thank you.

An Urquell for me, pretzels for the table.


The greatest moment in 80s television was when Growing Pains revealed that Boner’s dad’s name was Sylvester Stabone

I have always been suspicious of the “radio edit” and then in the same day I heard original full length versions of Simple Minds’s “Don’t You Forget About Me” and Steve Winwood’s “Higher Love” and lemme tell you the people who do these edits are not only geniuses but saints. Those are both AMAZING songs rendered absolute shit by unchecked indulgence.

From what I can tell, for their latest single Green Day has sampled Joan Jett to make a late Fall Out Boy rip-off in the spirit of Smash Mouth

It’s no “Dry Ice”, is what I’m saying

I've been thinking about my future

lemme run something by you

home in the southwest, but like high desert or something

retiree career of organizing (but not participating in) three-figure mall kiosk heists

mostly robes because why not

eyeglasses slightly too big for my face, transitions lenses obvs

pony tail, sandals, turquoise, and

stay with me

permanent erection

It’s funny how at some entropic crowd size a moment of silence actually becomes a chorus of people yelling shut up

My “Lendl polo shirt L” eBay saved search is letting me down

Arcade Fire is a forward generation’s Fleetwood Mac and similar to Tusk they will someday realize Reflektor was the true masterwork, fight me til we both die

seeing letters arrive from college admissions for one, preparing documents for high school enrollment for the other, I feel fine, why do you ask

I had *coffee* with McCauley... HALF AN HOUR AGO!

In my day we had reruns of sitcoms where someone was named Lumpy and we just let it pass

“You guys are watching The Mandalorian from the beginning again?”

“Well, your mother wants to... and I don’t value my time on this earth. So yes.”

As if it wasn’t bad enough that Carol Burnett got a tribute last year and an award named after her, now every recipient is gonna give a big speech about how important she was and I get to be wrecked again every January.

My wife is watching The Witcher. I have no taste for fantasy so I’ve been avoiding it but tried to watch a bit with her today. I made it five minutes before someone said “RESERVE YOUR CHAOS, VILGEFORTZ”.

So, bad news: I am absolutely not watching this trash; good news: I have a new go-to for when a “cool your heels, hot shot” vibe is required

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dads.cool is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.