Two of the best characters on The Sopranos were famous directors. I don’t mean to suggest this is a logical extension, or even makes sense, but it’s interesting. If there was one thing (maybe the only thing) consistently strong about that show it was Tim Van Patten. Perhaps he took some stuff exceptionally seriously.

I ordered some sweatpants because on top of this encroaching depression of almost certainly devastating weight I also want to be angry with myself for waiting so long to buy sweatpants

I’m certain Europeans don’t need new ways to spot Americans, but wearing a Canada hat has to be a popular one. What ridiculous advice.

When someone says the decisions that ran a project off the rails were made long before they got there, they're always right. All the way back to the decision to do anything at all. At that point you start blaming decisions to hire people, to choose a career, to have children, and pulling that thread eventually leads all the way back to either natural occurrences or God, which probably is not a real thing. Nothing is ever anyone's fault, except finger pointing. That's just you being a bad person.

I think the literal funniest thing I’ve ever come up with is when I assisted my dog in declaring himself “dumb as a whip.” It’s made me laugh every time I think about it, for years. So simple, and yet. Gives me the giggles right now even.

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I speak on behalf of my pets, it’s a thing I’ve always done. It’s interesting—while I’m sensitive to the idea that maybe I shouldn’t articulate thoughts they aren’t having, the net effect has always been that I think of them as, presumably, much smarter than they actually are.

Some dads will talk forever about Aja. Some may drone on at length about a Dark Side of the Moon, or you get your occasional OK Computer guy. Me, I’ll bore you to tears about the soundtrack from Frank (2014)

With all of the things that Google Drive / Docs is really, really good at, why do people try so goddamn hard to make it be a wiki

My least favorite part of watching any computer's life cycle is seeing the point at which the decision is made to finally give in and install Office. Like, yeah, for a lot of people it's an inevitability, but... you just hate to see it happen to a good machine. What did it do? Its job? You're gonna punish it for that?

All male actors from the 60s-80s whose name I can’t remember are all “Robert Stack”, *especially* when they’re Robert Culp

Look, I love my wife. I love my kids. I love my family. I love my dog.

But I *love* my cat.

This is a generally true, but especially present thought when you care for a cat whose sanity and happiness you care about very deeply: a dog is basically a roomba that never sleeps.

Advice for dads:

To protect your sanity, your role as "finisher" must have limits. It is ok for you, in the middle of the day, when you are killing the rest of the frozen sweet potato gnocchi that has been in the fridge for three days because you know no one else will and food is food, to declare to the household: "I am not going to eat any more of this. Because it is gross, and I am a person. I have spoken."

Gonna spend the whole upcoming long weekend pretending the new CRJ album is rolling on loop because some other member of the family keeps insisting on it

my wife has been told “millennials like fanny packs”

is she being punked

A funny thing to say when pouring a drink in the early afternoon is “It’s 8:30 AM *somewhere*!” It’s a joke that works on several levels, not the least of which is the level of making light of what may be very severe alcoholism, a problem that needs lightening up if ever there was one am I right

My dog smells like a sauna full of old men

I’ve always enjoyed the idea of a “toilet mechanic” rather than a “plumber”, the kind of guy who shows up in coveralls, covered in grease, and says things like “yeah, right there, you hear that?” and “well, I mean, I *can* fix it,” and “it’ll get you home, but myself, I wouldn’t let my family use it like this” and “see this? It’s not supposed to look like that.”

Granted, they still have to deal with, you know, seeing themselves in archival video and photographs, and how the wrong side of their face is droopy. But to be able to be "on camera," and not freak out, by the time you're an adult? Insane. Different world.

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