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starting my day off by spilling hot wet coffee grounds all over the place

baby still 97th percentile for height, so it’s not just me thinking they’re tall

promoted “dadalorian t-shirt” tweets from 5,000 twitter alt accounts are going to permanently drive me to masto for main


you ever figuratively say "just took the biggest poop of my life"? well, my baby can literally say that,

amusing myself by imagining these flash cards are teaching the baby that e.g. a raccoon is the same size as an elephant

unduly tempted to set up some sort of interlock where when the white noise machine is turned on it disables the doorbell

brain: well, that was a long day. time to unwind with six hours of imagining “what if this, but harder”

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sure, Sesame Street, “let’s all be paleontologists!” is a nice sentiment, but this is how you get an oversupply of specialized labor and a jobs crisis

had a dream last night that i was watching two babies all day, a relaxing break from my actual day of watching one baby all day

learning from baby & adopting new technique of wailing in restaurants until they bring my food

baby just sneezed directly in my face with a mouthful of food 🙃

according to my parents i learned the alphabet before i was 2 & then taught myself how to read from mail order catalogs that were laying around the house. you could just parent however in the 80’s i guess

trying to teach baby some shapes…they look at me…holding the shape in their hand…a smile of recognition and understanding spreads across their face

and then they let loose a huge toot and toss the shape aside

cursed knowledge 

once you’re a parent, it’s impossible to see the chad’s crotch as anything other than a wet diaper

why does my baby need to grow taller every day. v rude imo

when you’re getting photos printed, a lot of places let you print text on the back for free: get baby’s name & age printed on them. little

Show more is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.