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I say this and we always tiptoe around the house like the slightest noise is going to wake the baby, but if E falls asleep when we're out with him a train could rumble by laying on its horn the whole time and he'd stay knocked out

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: WD-40 your door hinges so that creaking won't wake the baby

Like, thanks, sure, I will, but I’ll also use those days however I please and with whatever excuse I want, parent or not

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HR keeps trying to convince me I have extra parental leave I can take, but as far as I can tell it’s just my normally-accrued sick/vacation leave and I’m allowed to make the excuse “parental leave”??

Plot twist will be when I have to explain why baby’s first words are German

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If the Baby Can Sleep Through Me Doing a Pimsleur Lesson With Him On My Chest, He’s Asleep Enough To Put Down

ALSO: the shed will replace an existing rickety small shed, so anyone with advice/info on extending a concrete slab would be great

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My biggest upcoming dad project is moving the home gym out to a shed so we can turn the old gym room into kiddo’s room. Anyone who knows a good shed with enough room for a full rack and enough height to overhead press in hit me up!

Wife: “oh, monkfish, I know what that is”

Me: “a fish that’s taken its vows?”

Diaper changing pro-tip:

If you put the new diaper under the baby before removing the old diaper, you can yoink out the old diaper dining-table-tablecloth-trick-style and BAM, your baby's sitting right there on a new diaper which you can fold over to avoid accidents while you dispose of the old one

every time your kid does something you can say you trained a neural net to do it

Every time I successfully put E down in his bed from sleeping on me without waking him up I feel like I’ve unlocked dad level 1,000

This is only about 1 in every 3-4 tries tho

my brother-in-law said “the only thin blue line i respect is the one on a baby’s diaper” & i laugh every time i think about it

If you *do* think your baby's a little fussy (defined as crying for no reason for extended periods) especially in the early weeks/months and you think it's due to digestion, one thing is proven to help in randomized controlled trials: probiotic solution. It's a little expensive, but widely available (even Gerber makes it). Basically it's a liquid that you can give them in small daily doses w/ feedings which will develop their gut fauna (since they're born with none) and will help with digestion.

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If you're in the U.S. and you use formula, due to FDA regulations there's almost no difference between the pricier "name" brands and store generics. Target, Sam's, and Costco house brands are all fine and much cheaper:

Also: unless your Dr. specifically tells you to, there's no reason to use "sensitive" formulations. In fact, if you're also using breast milk, traditional formula may be easier on the baby because it's closer in composition.

Stepped out of the shower and saw a motion alert at the front door, so I put on a towel & went and opened the door to help my wife carry the car seat into the house. NOPE it was the UPS guy

Show more is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.