Ryan, the Dad Who Loves Coffee @ryan@dads.cool

Introductions!

Ryan, 35, new dad of one ("E", born May 2019). Here for dadposting, dadvice, dadjokes, etc.

Once you learn whatever “tricks” will consistently put your kid to sleep you feel like some sort of sleep hypnosis wizard

Pitching my Augmented Reality parenting game idea where every decision you make gets overlaid with “[childname] will remember that.”

Forming a local Dads Union so we can strike until my wife properly credits me for my Dad Jokes when she posts them on social media

Baby passport update: apparently you also have to forge your baby’s signature on their passport (followed by e.g. “/FATHER”)

someone commented that it was nice that i got a word search shower curtain “for the baby” PLEASE i got that like a decade ago to entertain myself

You’re either the person in the relationship who always thinks the trash can be pushed down or you’re the person in the relationship who always actually takes out the trash

Perhaps I shouldn't have switched to a mechanical keyboard with Cherry MX Blue switches in my home office right before having a baby

wait it just occurred to me that i can now actually do the “never talk to me or my son ever again” thing

[grocery shopping with the 3-month old] ah, now we can get the family size chips ahoy

people keep saying parenthood is all about the "experience" but tbh i've already hit the level cap so it's really more like post-game content

In this paper we postulate the existence of the "eightsie": an identical onesie worn by octuplets

Technically, if identical twins wear identical onesies, those are twosies

Unexpected parent skill: I’ve become finely attuned to the smell of my baby’s pee. I can now immediately tell when he needs to be changed from smell alone from a good distance

Went to a 4yo’s birthday party yesterday that had a whole-ass adult man crashing(?) it to officially promote Disney films

Finally put the baby down and now I can do what I’ve been wanting to all evening: laundry

ASMR Baby Screaming Directly Into Your Ear (6 Hours)

just made an excellent pourover with one hand while holding a baby with the other, real #coffeedad hours

Wife: “oh, this is vegan baby lotion”

Me: “yeah, all our other lotion is meat-based”

Yesterday's dadproject was cleaning and re-assembling a baby jumper we got for $30 off OfferUp. Same model is $100 new!

Every baby’s motto: