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Ryan, 35, new dad of one ("E", born May 2019). Here for dadposting, dadvice, dadjokes, etc.

if anyone has any on spoon feeding a baby that has suddenly decided they don’t want to eat anything off a spoon, I’m all ears

90% of my social interaction in the last year has been with an infant but. that’s probably fine right

singing my baby the ABC song then using my phone to blast DJ air horns after “next time won’t you sing with me”

[trying to get reluctant baby to eat peas]: look here’s a peas offering

just realized the topologists have already fully formalized how difficult it is to comb a kid’s hair

baby seatbelt white guy rapping
“how’d this get so fucking twisted”

haven’t had my coffee levels this morning: started to put baby’s onesie in diaper pail instead of laundry hamper

Me: “oh hey I didn’t even know they made a Goosebumps 2”
[5 minutes in to Goosebumps 2]
“Ok I definitely thought The House With A Clock in its Walls was Goosebumps 1 and have never seen Goosebumps 1”

special place in Hell for christian groups uploading christian propaganda videos to youtube under fake kid video titles

new project: teaching baby to do the chef’s kiss gesture

[teaching my child to play baseball] that's the tee, sis

glad my wife didn’t walk in on me and the baby exultantly shouting “bigoo!” at each other back and forth while throwing our hands in the air for ten minutes straight

Just freed an absolutely gigantic butterfly from a spiderweb, and after it could fly, it flew up, landed on my baby’s cheek, and flew off :3

Things I Should Have Done While Baby was Napping: A Parent’s Memoir

1969: this is Oscar the Grouch, he lives in a trash can, haha

Now: there is an entire Grouch culture whose sense of aesthetics and pleasure is inverted from our own. There’s a Grouch University

Baby currently fighting sleep by repeatedly slapping their stuffed sloth’s butt and laughing their head off

Show more is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.