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Ryan, 35, new dad of one ("E", born May 2019). Here for dadposting, dadvice, dadjokes, etc.

graco pack ‘n play + baby able to entertain themselves in it = gamechanger

if i were a deliriously sleepy baby i would simply go to sleep

still undecided on if speaking/listening to like eight different languages in front of my baby is Good or Bad

all dads born after 1980 know is drink coffee, watch baby, work, pay bills, do chores, eat hot chip, and sleep

E hates having his face wiped after eating, so as a result I have to sneak up and get him from behind like it’s a Hitman mission objective

wife: what have you and the baby been doing?

me: literally just vibing

finally got baby down for a nap, you can now: poop, shower, eat (pick two)

oh no the batteries are dying on a voice/music toy and the way it’s glitching out is absolutely terrifying

dads…you can now say “ooh, daddy like” and completely skeeve out both yourself and anyone within earshot

i open my laptop in the coffee shop and the password manager is up fullscreen with my obfuscated login credentials for DADS.COOL

now that he can hold a bottle himself, E’s new Signature Move is to casually toss it aside the instant he’s finished, and i should probably try to put a stop to it but i find it completely hilarious every time

wife: “that hour nap I took today really helped”

me: “…you slept from noon to 4”

got E a walker and now he’s constantly trying to run over and grab my coffee beans 😑

for sale: baby shoes, never worn. people just gave us a lot of baby shoes and some of them are already too small. babies don’t even need that many shoes tbh

you'll never convince me that the design for this silicone teether didn't originally start out as some weird sex thing

update: baby is now literally eating avocado toast

someone gave us a toy for E that will periodically sing a song about how “you’re my best friend” and it always creeps me out. it’s like, bro i hardly know u

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