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Ryan, 35, new dad of one ("E", born May 2019). Here for dadposting, dadvice, dadjokes, etc.

brain: well, that was a long day. time to unwind with six hours of imagining “what if this, but harder”

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sure, Sesame Street, “let’s all be paleontologists!” is a nice sentiment, but this is how you get an oversupply of specialized labor and a jobs crisis

had a dream last night that i was watching two babies all day, a relaxing break from my actual day of watching one baby all day

learning from baby & adopting new technique of wailing in restaurants until they bring my food

baby just sneezed directly in my face with a mouthful of food 🙃

according to my parents i learned the alphabet before i was 2 & then taught myself how to read from mail order catalogs that were laying around the house. you could just parent however in the 80’s i guess

trying to teach baby some shapes…they look at me…holding the shape in their hand…a smile of recognition and understanding spreads across their face

and then they let loose a huge toot and toss the shape aside

cursed knowledge 

once you’re a parent, it’s impossible to see the chad’s crotch as anything other than a wet diaper

why does my baby need to grow taller every day. v rude imo

when you’re getting photos printed, a lot of places let you print text on the back for free: get baby’s name & age printed on them. little

“a greased-up baby has no handle”

—ancient proverb

baby walking more and more, wife told him to “slow down” and by complete coincidence it looked like he was giving her the middle finger as he ran off. man i wish we had been recording

after having espresso i made several years ago on my modest rancilio silvia + rocky setup, my doctor brother in law started chasing the espresso dragon. my sister in law is now trying to get me to talk him out of buying a $5,500 grinder

I've seen scrubs twice and I couldn't tell you a single thing that happens in it

"haha wow i really can't think straight before i've had my coffee!!" i thought to myself, after in fact having already had two cups of coffee

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