And the person who ordered the walking taco bar just asked if he could sub rice for the Fritos.

So, uh... 🤔🤔🤔

Just learned that "walking tacos" are a trendy thing now.

When I was growing up it was "Frito pie", and even the redneckiest white-trashiest people I knew considered them unrefined.

Funny old world.

*coming in from the orchard, arms full of low hanging fruit* hey guys I got some jokes

Starting to get concerned about the sustained health of @citrustwee 's liver

I assume that this electric fan is labeled "Vornado" as a portmanteau of "vortex" and "tornado" to indicate its power to move air around

but I've been on the internet for a long time and that is NOT what I think of when faced with the word "vornado"

My friend @tessaracked discovered that the sentence “A cryptid's amazing bofa joke vexed Wil right quick” contains every letter in the alphabet

Just got lavished with praise from one of the camp admins for... eating vegetables with my lunch.

My dude I am not a twelve-year-old soccer player, I'm a professional nutritionist. As evidenced by this question I'm revisiting: What exactly was the career decision that led me to this?

Nobody in the professional world can correctly use track changes.

why the hell are the #strangerthings S3 monsters made of strawberry jam 

This is the easy-listening version of Sans' big battle theme.

Easy-listening, of course, being the hardest genre to listen to

Campus is overrun with eight- to twelve-year-olds and one of them is playing a slow-tempo version of Megalovania on the lobby piano

Which career decision was it exactly that led me here

Every time one of my posts takes off it's mostly boosts and faves from @witches.live so big thank you to you all for your support of my ridiculous dad jokes

People who can eat a bunch of grapes without carefully plucking and examining each one possess a terrifying power and are not to be trifled with

Where does General McDichael keep his armies?

In his Sleevies

It's called the Blockchain because I automatically block anyone who tries to talk about it to me

yes i know that the main character is not actually called Evangelion, but nobody's got the time to spell out evangelion's monster

Granted, nosimpleprotege made up her own swear word. The first time she heard me actually say "fuck" -- I had slipped while giving her a bath and bent my elbow back -- she looked at me and said, matter-of-factly, "detch".

Now she mutters "detch" to herself if she drops a toy, or trips and falls. She invented her own expression of frustration.

People are really critical of Belle Delphine but let's not throw the gamer girl out with the bathwater here

Tutbocharging my garden by filling my watering can with gamer girl bathwater

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dads.cool

dads.cool is a Mastodon instance for dads.