coping with grief, loss 

The dream last night was like a glimpse into an alternate reality where not only was my wife still alive, we owned a house and could plan for the future.

Getting out of bed this morning was the most difficult it had been in weeks.

I don't necessarily dislike the fairy princess costume my mother got nosimpleprotege. I just want kiddo to know that there are more options for her than a fairy princess. Don't pigeonhole the kid, she's only two.

...okay, I do dislike the fairy princess costume, but that's mostly because my sofa and carpet are now covered in glitter.

coping with grief, loss, recovery? 

Just had a poignant memory that came back as nostalgic instead of painful.

For those of you keeping track, it took a week and a half to get to this point.

Making coffee this morning.

This is notable only in that I haven't made a pot of coffee all week.

Watching the Undertale 5th Anniversary concert stream and would very much like to go half an hour through my day without being kicked in the beanbag by things that remind me of my wife

coping with grief, loss 

I'm starting to get the impression that when people ask to give me a hug, they're not trying to comfort me in particular. They're hugging my wife, by proxy, since she's not around anymore.

As such, I'm not the first to let go.

This only becomes awkward if they are in fact hugging for my sake and they also refuse to be the first to let go.

coping with grief, loss 

Things are bad when the introvert has a night of feeling empty and lonely

cursed idea spun off this morning's toot 

God, could you imagine

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cursed idea spun off this morning's toot 

If you don't like Twitter, there's Mastodon.
If you don't like YouTube, there's Peertube.
If you don't like Instagram, there's Pixelfed.

But maybe I don't like Match.com for my relationship seeking. What do I do then, huh? Where's the federated dating & matchmaking service?

coping with grief, loss 

I'm not as sentimental as my wife was, so most of the clothes in storage that nosimpleprotege has grown out of are getting donated. I'm keeping a few mementos, but the stuff we'd been keeping because it was so cute can go on to find a better home.

Until I get to the box of clothes that are specifically set aside "in case we have another one". Giving away nosimpleprotege's old clothes is fine. Giving away her purely hypothetical sibling's clothes hurts.

We already took a depression nap today, brain. We're too rested to take another one.

I was guilelessly asked this question but my actual response was not as entertaining.

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"Do you think you'll start dating again?"
"Why, you tryna smash?"
"lmao savage"

This week I'm ten times the wife guy than I've ever been before

The irony is not lost on me

coping with grief, loss 

The abbreviated phrase we've begun using to mean "I see reminders of her everywhere I look" or "my first reaction when I discovered this was to tell her about it" is simply

everything hurts

coping with grief, loss 

nosimpleprotege used the potty by herself on Wednesday

she's growing less shy and participating more at school, and her teacher is starting to realize how clever she is already

this morning at breakfast she accurately reported a running total of the number of mandarin slices on her plate

she's starting to swing her tee ball bat sideways, rather than in an overhand smash

Why did she have to start doing all of these wonderful amazing things this week in particular?

"Heaven needed another angel" 

If your mental image of my wife as an angel doesn't include wheels within wheels and multiple eyes and several sets of wings and maybe some fire, I want no part of it

coping with grief, loss 

nosimpleprotege is starting to open up at school, participating in circle time, talking more, getting involved in lessons and conversations. I had a talk with her teacher at pickup this afternoon and she's doing great. Teacher didn't even realize that kiddo knows her letters and numbers already, because she's been too shy to speak up.

I managed to keep it together until I got to the car, where the sheer "Your mom would be so proud of you" caught up with me.

coping with grief, coping with bureaucracy 

When nosimplebae passed, we filled out the paperwork to donate her body to science or medical research. We agreed: once you're gone, it's just meat. Get some use out of it if you can, it doesn't matter.

It was down to the wire before the hospital got the donation paperwork done. She passed on Monday, and you don't want a cadaver more than a few days old for a donation. I had to make so many difficult phone calls this afternoon, you guys don't even know.

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dads.cool

dads.cool is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.