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a good trick if you can’t decide between two things: flip a coin. if you’re disappointed by the result, go with the other thing

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everyone stop and look at this incredibly good turtle I met in the woods today

If you SOB’s don’t give me the beat, I’m gonna free my boot in your ass

didn't expect to go on instagram and get punched in the head. whew

alright y’all, I’m calling it a night. if you’re gonna vote in the while I’m gone, you’d better vote for Illmatic

sheep go to heaven. goats go to hell. capybaras have escaped the wheel of suffering and achieved nirvana

I once had a kid come into the video game store I worked at and ask if we carried games for the Sapper Natado. I’ve never pronounced it correctly since

Gonna start doing the thing my mom did when I was a kid and call all video game systems "the Nintendo"

1994 #AlbumBowl - Round of 16, Match #8

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just gonna start parachuting into bad take threads with “nah man, hella weak”

@moviemorgz Alex: Never forget you are a wonderful person

John Hex: it is 100% okay to talk shit about your kids

Robit: death to America

💕 helpful advice from members of lp 💕

derek: have fun & be yourself 👍

ed: it’s alright to ask for help 👌

thomas: murder is OK

morgan: murder is OK

you can’t play basketball outside and have a good time in December, which is why warm weather will always be better :dont_at_me:

Regret to inform you all that I have decided to continue to be annoying on here

Show older is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.