The best part about the kid joining us in bed are the bruised ribs after he kicks the shit out of me in my sleep
Today was “I am a monkey day” on the morning walk so he pretended to climb every tree, poorly
Kid insists on only mixing his chocolate milk with a milk frother
I’m moist with sweat, tired from travel, and mentally exhausted with YouTube garbage and yet he continues to demand time and attention and chicken nuggets
Proud moment: he learned to string the string cheese
Dropping the kid off at the Montessori pre-school and it’s all Outbacks and Teslas in the parking lot
I watch my kid enthralled watching other kids open toys on YouTube and think, how weird, we could do that ourselves. Why are we wasting our lives watching someone else live for us?
Then I think of all the murder shows I’ve watched.
Taught myself how to solder which has just opened me up to a whole new universe of dad chores
Managed a week at home while working and the kid out of day care with no spousal help and wow, this is terrible, I never want to do this again.
If my child were old enough to watch the Blair Witch Project this particular behavior would be disturbing
What is Peter Parker’s alter ego?
A kid on the local private Minecraft server asked what the keyboard shortcut was to take a screenshot and I told him Alt-F4. And so continues the cycle of abuse.
I grudgingly respect Blippi as he is a human shitpost
If you can read this you're gay
Spent an hour arguing that the shelves I put in over the kitchen counter are level and it turns out it’s the counter that’s not level
Really, all I wanted for Christmas was to take a long shit during daylight hours without anyone bursting into the bathroom and asking me for something.
Sliced bread is bread. Chunks of sourdough are bread. A bagel is bread. A cracker is bread. Meatloaf is bread.
However, every cookie has its own specified name, as do cakes; and brownies are their own thing.
Learning all the right vocabulary.
Kid has a cold so I’m taking the day off work
This is our advent calendar
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