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Hello I am also on @jasonscheirer

I live in the Bay Area and like to have fun.

If my child were old enough to watch the Blair Witch Project this particular behavior would be disturbing

What is Peter Parker’s alter ego?

A kid on the local private Minecraft server asked what the keyboard shortcut was to take a screenshot and I told him Alt-F4. And so continues the cycle of abuse.

I grudgingly respect Blippi as he is a human shitpost

Spent an hour arguing that the shelves I put in over the kitchen counter are level and it turns out it’s the counter that’s not level

Really, all I wanted for Christmas was to take a long shit during daylight hours without anyone bursting into the bathroom and asking me for something.

Sliced bread is bread. Chunks of sourdough are bread. A bagel is bread. A cracker is bread. Meatloaf is bread.

However, every cookie has its own specified name, as do cakes; and brownies are their own thing.

Learning all the right vocabulary.

What terrible things can I teach my child in the next 8 hours?

On day number two of watching the kid alone, last time was 4 months ago so there have been changes in his personality since then.

He was amazed and delighted when he discovered we could watch TV AND eat dinner on the couch, probably gonna catch hell for that.

Also I discovered I could just yell “GO TO SLEEP” and he gets so shocked he immediately flops down and closes his eyes. Because I’m the fun parent, when I get mad it’s _serious business_.

It’s flamingo time! You have to get a reservation weeks in advance and half the exhibits are closed but the zoo is open.

This book is between the pillows on my bed and quite frankly it’s a toss up as to whether it’s mine or the kid’s

Our day care report today was “he pushed two kids and then yelled NO PUSHING” so we’ve got him ready to interview for Portland PD

Show more is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.