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i'm so grateful you're allowed to be a dad even if you did a lot of dumb stuff before

they say if you love someone, let them go. Well, i love my children very much and it would be grand if i could let them go somewhere out of earshot for just a couple of consecutive hours even

from the bottom of my heart, Fuck the opposite game

I firmly believe that April fool's is Good when it’s harmless silly bullshit, and the problems are that most people just don't think very hard about whether they will cause real distress, and that participating by posting a lie online isn’t usually funny but it’s easy.

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The only April fools joke I planned this year was to say every sentence backwards ("Morning good! Today doing everyone is how?") until M figured out what I was doing and why. It lasted about an hour before people lost their patience 😅

M somehow got this idea that he was entitled to two pieces of chocolate per day. He's been walking up to me after dinner demanding "my evening chocolate" like some horrible princeling

M asked me what letter was the opposite of P, so we had an impromptu lesson on writing in code with Caesar ciphers and rot13

a couple quick recommendations for coping with the kids at home 24/7:

- Cosmic Kids Yoga (Youtube): our 5yo loves it! and sometimes convinces the 3yo to join him.

- The Alien Adventures of Finn Caspian (podcast): a silly sci-fi story with references to a lot of kids' books. they have something like 4 seasons plus bonus episodes, interludes, etc.

if you have any good resources to help young ones pass the time, break up the monotony, keep spirits high, etc, please share them too!

the boys are getting stir crazy but reports are that a lot of the remaining open parks and stuff are too crowded; i saw a recommendation on FB that if you want to hike, do it on forest service roads rather than narrow trails so that it’s easier to maintain distance if you cross paths with other folks. So, we did that! highly recommend.

We talk a lot on here about hi hungry i'm dad but can we get some energy behind "how do you [do a thing]?" "Very carefully!"

y'all ever finish a project, stand back to admire it, and in under thirty seconds you figure out *how you actually should have done it* or is that just me?

This morning M sat down at the table and made a list of all the friends who he wanted to have in his band (~12 people) and three songs they would perform: Kidnap the Sandy Claws, Be Prepared, and Oogie Boogie's Song ("three scary songs because those are the best ones")

when you start grousing about something and halfway through you realize there are no kids in earshot so you say something like "... for the third ding-dang fuckin' time!"

The amazon listing for this baby ear protection describes the itinerary of the coolest baby in the world

something you say when you are either parenting a 5 year old boy or dating El-P 

The Disney Curse is when you have a song from one of their movies stuck in your head and the only way to get it out is by thinking of a different Disney song

I have seen all of three snowflakes this morning but everyone is so scared of the forecast that schools are closed, including our preschool 😩😩😩

The Disney Curse is when you have a song from one of their movies stuck in your head and the only way to get it out is by thinking of a different Disney song


[meeting Hank Williams for the first time] Hi So Lonesome I Could Cry, I’m Dad

I don't understand the "wife guy" meme but I would like to. Also, same question, but for understanding my wife

Show more is a Mastodon instance for dads, running the Hometown fork of Mastodon.